Californian Correspondence
by thelandofthenutty
Summary: Sam left the White House, but he never left the lives of those in it the phone calls, visits, emails, and campaign stops that ensued after Sam Seaborn moved to California. Fits into season 4, 5, 6, and 7. DJ CD SA
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I dont own West Wing

A/N: I hope everyone enjoys this. I got the urge to write a series that centred on the others but involved sam, so here it is. This begins during the episode where Josh is interviewing Joe Quincy and there's a shooting. Please review.

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_"…an indeterminate number of shots was fired at the White House from the sidewalk…"_

The news was plastered with images of the White House and flashes of words like 'shots' and 'terrorist'. Sam had been planning on calling Josh that night anyway, and seeing this as he turned on his television as he walked in the door that night only made Sam quicken the speed at which he dialled his friends number.

A shooting at the White House. It was the sort of bad excitement that hadn't happened when Sam was there, and it made him a little frightened, to think of the White House in a way that he hadn't seen it before.

When he imagined the west wing from his place in California he pictured regurgitated scenes of helping people or frantic nights spent up typing, as he had experienced many times in his stay there.

He couldn't fathom what it would be like to be in a lock down because someone was shooting at them.

There would surely be a repercussion from the shots, and not just on the news, or with terrorism.

Psychologically the White House Staffers had a history…

Which was why it was no surprise that it was a worried sounding Donna who answered Josh's phone and not the deputy Chief of Staff himself.

"Hey Donna, it's me." Sam greeted, noting how timid her address had sounded to him, even though to someone calling merely on business it would have sounded as professional as ever.

Maybe he was projecting the image he had in his head- the image of Josh beaten up by the mere sound of a gun and the picture of Donna being the only one, as ever, that he would let comfort him.

"What's going on?"

"Someone shot at the White House."

"I heard. I mean inside."

"Inside the White House or…"

"Yeah Donna, I'm worried, but don't get too philosophical for me."

"It's calmer than I thought it would be. CJ's trying to calm the press and everyone else is playing poker."

"And Josh?"

"He didn't hear it. He-"Donna began to cry, and she walked quickly into Josh's office and shut the door, resting her back against it and cringing. She never let anyone see her cry. She refused to. And yet here she was on the phone to Sam and she was about to start sobbing.

"Donna are you alright?" Sam, asked, softly, sighing. She tried to be too strong for her own good.

"I'm fine Sam."

"You heard the shots?"

Donna didn't say anything. She nodded, and even though he couldn't see her he knew that she had. He could hear her crying, and he felt the familiar pang of guilt that he was in California and not with his friends.

"And you thought it was Josh again?" he asked, softer this time, as he heard Donna let out a small sob.

"It wasn't Donna, he's safe, and he's alive, and it was all two years ago now, you don't have to be scared anymore." he told her, simply. Donna nodded again, and let out a small chuckle.

"Sorry for spilling." she said, mopping her eyes up and composing herself .

"Don't be. You know you don't have to be that strong all the time right? You're aloud to be human as well."

"Not with this I cant. I don't like him knowing I'm scared Sam."

"Right." Sam said. Donna waited a moment while she made sure it wasn't obvious she'd been crying, and she walked into where Josh was interviewing Joe Quincy.

Donna stood in the door, waiting for them to look around.

"I'll just get Josh, he's interviewing a guy for Ainsley's job. I don't think he's handsome though others do-"

"Are you talking about how attractive you don't find Joe still."

"Of course not, I was just telling Sam how handsome you are."

"Give me that- Hey!"

"Hey man. You're giving her a night off every once in a while aren't you?"

"Not with this guy."

"You think he's attractive?"

"I think he's male."

"Right." Sam laughed. "How are you with all the guns?"

"I'm fine Sam, you're as bad as Donna, she was calling Stanley for crying out loud, I didn't even hear them."

"You sure she was calling him for you?" Sam asked, exasperated.

Josh paused.

"Who else would she be calling for? She may have a thing for Quincy but I don't think she's that protective of him yet."

"She heard the shots Josh, and last time someone she knew was shot it was you and I've never seen anyone more worried."

"She seem shaken to you?" Josh asked, concerned now, leaning against the wall in the hallway.

"More than shaken."

Josh cursed under his breathe and nodded.

"I have this thing now but I'll talk to her after. Why couldn't I tell?"

"She's pretty good at hiding things from you."

"Donna is terrible at hiding things from me."

"How would you know that?" There was a pause in which Josh pondered, somewhat worried. "

"I just do. I have a terrible time hiding things from her."

"Tell me about it. Get back to your interview."

"Hey have you ever heard of a guy called Joe Quincy?"

"Nope. He wants Ainsley's job?"

"Yeah. It's just weird I haven't met him is all."

"Why, because he's an attractive male in Washington?"

"Exactly Sam, that's exactly it." he replied, laughing.

"Don't over think it. If he's good hire him. Donna however, there's something I give you permission to over think about."

"See ya."

"Yeah bye."

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(How was the first chapter? Let me kow, please, so I can change the following ones so that they're better! Leave me a review, it takes like, two sceonds! I reply to them. toodles, Jess x)) 


	2. Chapter 2

-1Josh was becoming increasingly agitated by the names that were posted up in front of him. He knew the people he really wanted in the office were never going to be passed by the republicans, and so it was with frustration that he momentarily relented his search for a rightful candidate for Vice President, and picked up his phone.

Miles away, Sam's cell rang. His fingers had been just about to hit the keyboard, and he sighed gratefully at the welcome excuse for procrastination.

He didn't, however, get time to greet whoever it was on the other end of the line. Josh Lyman, he figured, was passed the traditional 'hello'.

In fact, Josh Lyman was probably well past _any _form of tact.

"What do you think of Lennon?"

"The Beatle?" Sam asked, raising an eyebrow, and spinning around in his chair so that the blank computer screen didn't taunt his state of distraction.

"The congressman." Josh corrected, his eyes still surveying the board before him.

"Not much conviction, a bit of a non event…"

"Yeah, but the republicans like him."

"Since when had that not been a deterrent?" Sam asked, laughing.

"For VP."

"Right. How's all that going?" Sam asked. Josh groaned, and turned away from the board, seating himself on his desk, and looking at the closed door.

"Fine. Frustrating. No one's good enough, although Amy seems happy about pretty much all of them."

"Amy?"

"Gardener."

"You're not…"

"No, but she's still the first lady's chief of staff, and she thinks the shortlist's good."

"Again, since when has that not been a deterrent?" Sam joked, with a smile spreading mockingly across his face.

Josh didn't laugh. "Exactly." he replied, darkly.

Donna appeared in his doorway.

"You have a meeting in five."

"Ok. Sam, gotta go, talk to you soon." Josh hung up the phone, just as Donna opened her mouth and shot out her hand. Her outrage then turned to a frustrated pout.

"Why did you hang up? I wanted to say hi!"

"I know you did. But whenever I let you say hi to Sam you end up whinging on to him for half an hour and it uses up my phone line and leaves me temporarily assistantless." he retorted, while she gave him a nasty look.

"You're a cruel person Joshua Lyman, you know that? If it wasn't for the bagels in the mess I'd quit right now."

"I'll have to see what can be done about getting them to serve toast then."

"Cruel." Donna said, narrowing her eyes and turning as Josh passed her, walking out the door and down the hallway.

Not even a day later, when Sam was returning home late that night after working much longer than he intended, he saw the White House flash up on TV. There was the front, and people were gathered. People with candles. Sam turned the volume up, and his mouth slammed into a firm, furious line as he listened to the bulletin. Zoey Bartlett had been kidnapped.

Instantly his thoughts flew to the president. Then, to Abbey. Then, conspicuously, to the Vice President, or, at least, lack there of. If there was no one second in charge then the next in line, should he need to step aside, would be… Sam dialled the first number he thought of, and heard a friends gruff tones fall through the phone, a little breathless, as if he was walking fast, or even jogging slightly.

"Sam?" Toby greeted, obviously as exempt from formalities as Josh.

"What's going on there, Is there something I can do? How's the president? How's the First Lady? How's Charlie?" he added, with a sudden burst of thought for the body man. Toby didn't answer for a moment. He still sounded as though he needed to catch his breath, and Sam could hear sirens in the background.

"Sam, I'm not even at the White House, I'm on Pennsylvania Avenue right now, I'm almost there." he replied, hating that Sam was simply putting a voice to everything in his head. Bar one thought.

"Why, where were you?" Sam asked, confused. If the rest of the staff were at the White House, then surely Toby would have been there too. He knew that he was doing the house that day- Donna had told him when she called him after Josh had left, irate at his rudeness- however, the house wouldn't have taken him until this time at night…perhaps that was why he was breathless.

"It…it doesn't matter…now. Sam, I have to go, I'm here. I'll have someone call you when we know anything."

The phone shut off. For the second time in a few months, Sam felt helpless, and like he was watching a bad movie about his life gone wrong. He paced up and down his living room, furious with himself, thoughts of Zoey and Josh and Abby and Donna and Charlie and CJ and Leo and Toby and the President all zooming through his head. He was watching the White House, once the setting of his everyday going on, in a panic, and he was helpless to assist anything that was happening.

Almost everything.

"Will, you're working on speeches right?" he asked, now taking Josh and Toby's initiative and ignoring any greeting whatsoever. Will stared down at the scribble covered page, and cringed, the phone to his ear.

"Theoretically." he said, thinking about Toby's disgust at his sentimentalised approach.

"Two?"

"Yes."

"Let me help." he said, quickly. Will shook his head.

"I have to do this Sam. Toby just came in here and dismissed everything I'd written, if I let you write it would be admitting my defeat, and while this is no time for my pride to kick in, it has." he replied, sighing, guilt riddled.

"He wants a forceful speech, either way, and I cant seem to write one. I cant imagine the president reading one, it's too…its his daughter out there Sam…you'd think after tonight Toby would get that more…then again, maybe that's why he-"

"Tonight? What happened tonight?" Sam asked, cutting in quickly, confused.

"The twins."

"What?"

"The twins. The twins were born Sam." Will replied, and Sam let out a small murmur of realisation. Now he knew why Toby was running down Pennsylvania Avenue.

"I'd better get back to this." Will said, slowly. "Sorry I cant give you something to do. I know its frustrating not being able to…"

"It's fine. You have to do this. I'll keep…watching my TV I suppose." Sam said, letting out a low, frustrated breath.

Hours went by. A night, without sleeping, living beside the television as though he still were a part of everything that went on there. It wasn't until Walken and the president appeared on the television screen, together, that Sam picked up his phone again. And this time, he didn't call Washington. He knew they would all be too busy, and Josh would be fuming at the change in the pecking order. Instead, he called a lawyer he knew. Hoping to hear her tones convince him that Walken was really a good guy, underneath his gruffly republican exterior.

"I really don't think there's any reason for you to be this worried Sam. Worry about Zoey, don't worry about the president."

"Easy for you to say! And don't call him the president." Sam said, cringing at how strange it sounded, but feeling himself relax all the same. He needed perspective. And here it was, in the form of a snappy southern accent through a phone.

"He _is_ the President, Sam. For now he is the President." Ainsley replied, sitting down in front of her own television and taking a bite of a danish.

Sam paused for a moment.

"You're eating right now, aren't you?" he asked, smirking slightly. Ainsley paused, while she swallowed.

"Sam…"

"You are. You're sitting there, telling me it's fine that we've just elevated the most powerful republican in the country and eating a cupcake or a- a-"

"One, it's a danish, two, 'we've' done nothing, so stop feeling even the slightest bit guilty, and three, he's not the most powerful republican in the country."

"Huh"

"No, now he's the most powerful _person _ in the country. In fact, I'd say he's the most powerful person in the worl-"

"Eat your danish, you're not making me feel any better."

"Oh that's why you called me. I thought you enjoyed the wit."

"If all I wanted was the wit I could have talked to myself."

"That's not what you call wit, Sam, that's what you call crazy."

"Funny, what _I_ call crazy is dancing the Copa Cobana in a robe with the president of the United-"

"It wasn't the Copa, and Sam-"

Sam deflated, stopped pacing his apartment, and fell into the couch.

"Yeah?"

"They'll find her." Ainsley finished, quieter. Sam gave a small smile.

"Talk soon?"

"For sure."

"I'll let you know when so you can stock up on the pastry."

**((A/N: This entire story is going to be cannon. No AU, its all going to fit into the real timeline, so don't think that just because I have Ainsley there I'm going to have them snogging in a closet the next chapter, because its not going to happen. I really hope you liked this, I was trying to move him away from purely Josh and Donna, because I enjoy writing them so much! Thanks for reading, leave me a review, I'll always reply! Toodles, Jess x ))**


	3. Chapter 3

A/N :Set after the Shutdown. hope you like it reviews make my day.

-Jess

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"That was brave what he did today."

"I know. They were all brave. They needed it too, he's back." she said, elated. Donna was sitting behind Josh's desk, her feet on it, her smile showing her triumph.

Everyone was still in the Oval celebrating with the president and Leo. They had come out of the Shutdown and were definitely better for it.

Donna was finally allowed back to work, for which she was grateful. She had been bored and inconvenienced out of her brain in the meantime.

"I was getting scared Sam, he was devastated these past couple of weeks, and he was just trying to make his way back in the loop. They brought in Angela, and they let me in on a meeting that he got kicked out of, which was kind of cool but in a guilt riddling way and I thought it was going to kill him Sam. This is all he's got this job." she said, quickly, spinning around on the chair and looking out the window. She really was relieved. All the rambling in the world wouldn't have been able to convey the amount of happiness she felt when he saw him with the president on the TV. She was jubilant. And Sam was the only one who was around to talk to, short of Ryan, so she was about to bend his ear right off.

"Donna, can I ask you something?"

"Sure." she said, a little breathless from speaking so much, and so fast, while she was still so worked up.

"Are you in love with Josh?" he asked, and he cringed at the bluntness of his own voice down the phone line, listening as Donna's breathing was all he could hear from the phone.

He shouldn't have asked.

That was the unasked question.

That was the question that, whoever you are, however close to them you were, you kept your mouth shut, or you might stuff something up. Just because he wasn't there to witness their tiptoeing every day now didn't mean that it wasn't all as delicate as ever, and Sam was cringing, his eyes closed. When he opened his mouth to retract, however, Donna's voice came back at him, level, and not even sounding mad. She was speaking surprisingly steady.

"My god Sam you sure do a great Amy impression. All you need to do now is have sex with Josh on his desk and give me patronising glares down the hall way."

"Well, that doesn't really sound like something I'd do, does it?" he asked, processing what she was saying. Amy was around again? That wouldn't go down a treat.

"Sam I-"

Josh walked into his office, a smile of triumph gracing his face. He saw Donna sitting behind his desk.

"I had thoughts of being replaced, but none of them went like this." he said, standing in his doorway with a smug look on his face.

" Oh and the ego returned with him."

"My ego never left baby. Whose that?"

"Mr Samuel Seaborn." Donna said stiffly, in what Sam supposed was a display of displeasure at his prying.

"What does he want?" Josh joked, holding out his hand for the phone.

"To make out with you on your desk it seems…"she replied cheekily with a grin, letting Sam know she wasn't mad.

"Give me the phone."

Donna handed the phone across, and walked out of the room, the smile falling from her face as soon as she was out of view. The time would probably come where she wouldn't be able to dodge that question. Then again, it would give her good practise should she ever have to deal with a press core one day.

Josh, meanwhile, was still speaking to Sam.

"You did well today. "

"Thank god it worked." Josh replied, sitting back in his chair and running his hands through his hair, sighing, with a small smile on his face.

"They shouldn't have scaled you back.""

"I screwed up, I'm just glad I'm still here." Josh said, closing his eyes at how close he had come.

"Donna's alright?"

"Sure. Why, did she sound…?"

"She sounded fine. You might want to muzzle your girlfriend every once in a while, but she sounded fine. She was pretty excited about what you guys did today.'

"I'm not seeing anyone. How could they be excited about what I did today?"

"No, Donna was excited. Amy needs the muzzle. Although I didn't mean that in a derogatory way, only that-"

"I'm not seeing Amy, who told you I was seeing Amy again?"

Sam was confused.

"Donna said that all I had to do to complete my Amy impression was-"

"You were doing Amy impressions, let me hear it." Josh said, laughing. Donna heard him from the bullpen.

"Sam!" she called, loudly, from outside. Josh gave a weird look at the door, and then at the phone.

"You hear that?"

" Yeah." Sam said, grinning.

"Because it may come in handy if you store it away in your repertoire. Use it for some Donna impressions." Josh said, the only allusion to their conversation before they were interrupted.

Toby stood in his doorway, and looked across at Donna humoured , raising his eyebrows inquiringly.

"You are aware that he doesn't work here anymore…right?"


	4. Chapter 4

"I hear you had a bad night last night."

"I did. She just left! What do you think I did to piss her off?"

"Well, it seems the lockdown of the White House really traumatised you. You're permanently affected. While to some ignorant people it may seem insignificant, to you it clearly holds the greatest-"

"She never just leaves! I mean, I know she was hitting it off with some guy at the dinner, but then we came back here, so I figured I'd nipped that in the bud-"

"You'd what?"

"I mean, not that I had any problem with the guy, it was just, he seemed a little grabby."

"Mhmmmm."

"Don't mock me Sam."

"Oh I wouldn't dream of it. I know how work related Donna's love life is."

Josh, realising his irrationality, sighed, ran his hand through his hair, making it stand on end, and slumped down into his chair, spinning it to face the window.

"She hasn't been in yet." he said, quietly, in case someone could hear his ranting and rambling.

"Donna?"

"Yeah."

"Its a Saturday."

"I know, but she'll be in. We normally work Saturday mornings. Most of Saturdays. Sunday mornings..."

"Josh, you need to stop doing this."

"What?" he asked, scared of the answer.

"You need to stop trying to stifle any sort of a life Donna has, just so she doesn't enjoy herself without you."

" Oh I don't think we have to be worried about that. Clearly she doesn't even care enough to say goodbye last night, or call, let alone."

"Ok ok. I'm just saying, you need to let her grow in her job. Where she is at the moment is hardly an inch of what she's capable of doing-"

"Mhmm!" Josh said, his voice high, stopping Sam's explanation, as Donna stalked into the room, placed a paper on Josh's desk, shuffled another, walked around to him, lifted up his collar, and started to tie his tie.

She then tapped her watch, and stood there, staring at his expectantly. He had a meeting on the Hill.

"Ok, I have to go."

"Wait, who are you talking to?"

"No one."

"Is it Sam?"

"No."

"You're going to a meeting now, you don't need me, or your phone."

"No but what if someone calls and you cant take the message because your-"

"Give me the phone Josh."

He handed it over, picked up the briefing paper, and walked out of the room.

"There's a bagel for you on my desk!" she called after him, hearing a grunt in return.

"What right does he have to be snippy?" she asked Sam, without so much as a hello, as she picked up the phone and folded her legs across Josh's desk, making herself comfortable in his chair.

"He's mad."

"Why?"

"You flirted with the guy from somewhere at the thing and then you left and then you didn't say goodnight or something else I care less about." he explained, with a rueful laugh in his voice. Donna didn't laugh.

"Sam am I pathetic?" she asked, quietly. Glad that the door was closed.

"No. Why would you ask?"

"I just realised how pathetic I was last night, and now everything I do or say just sounds more and more pathetic, and I don't know how to down the pathetic metre. Any advice."

"You're not pathetic. You're one of the strongest people I know, your no where near the realm of pathetic."

"I need to change Sam. I need to..."she didn't want to say it out loud. She really didn't want to make it real. Truth was, as much as she realised the truth in what CJ had said last night, she didn't want to quit.

"Donna your not pathetic. This is why you didn't say goodbye to Josh?"

"Oh last night I wasn't pathetic. But I walk in this morning, late, to prove my point, and he's sitting there looking like he slept in the trash, so I tie his tie and buy him a bagel and the next thing I know I'm queen of pathetic and I'm back in that place again."

"That place?"

"Its not a nice place Sam."

"The place where you feel pathetic?"

"Yes."

"You're not."

"Sam, as much as I trust you, I know your lying."

"I'm not."

Donna sighed, thinking back to her conversation with CJ. It was true. She was there because she was in love with Josh and he kept her there because she was convenient. She was a good assistant.

"I'm changing the subject. So did you get caught in the lockdown last night? Josh didn't seem to be talking about it."

"Mhm."

"With who?"

"CJ."

"Fun?"

"It was alright. We just wanted to get out of there. She's back in this morning too. She convinced herself shed need to spin the security breach so she didn't have to face her feelings for Ben the Ranger."

"Ben the Ranger?"

"Its a long story."

"I'll give her a call."

"Ok. Don't tell her what I said, alright?"

"About feeling pathetic?"

"Mhmm."

"Stop beating yourself up Donna. I'm worrying about you."

"See you Sam."

It too three rings for CJ to answer her phone. She waited, watching it, so that it didn't seem like she had nothing to do, should it be Ben who was calling.

"Rangress." Sam greeted, with a small smile.

"Is there even such a word?" she replied, relaxing a lot, and leaning back in her chair.

"Nope. Don't think so. If there is then apparently you would know."

"Who've you been talking to?"

"Donna."

"Ah."

"Ok that's it."

"What's what?"

"What went on last night!"

"I don't know what you mean."

"I just got off the phone with Donna CJ, don't make me beat my way around the same bush."

"And what bush would that be Spanky?"

"CJ..."

CJ sighed, relenting, and feeling guiltier by the second.

"I went...there." she said, quietly.

"Oh dear."

"I know I shouldn't have, its just- did you know he's sending her to the middle east to shut her up about a promotion? Not even a promotion, just...more. He doesn't know what to do, so he feeds her puff jobs like this, and hopes she doesn't notice her worth."

"And you said all this to Donna?"

"I said it gentler..."

"Apparently not." he said, worried.

"Why?"

"She just seemed...off. She kept telling me she was pathetic, and how couldn't she have seen...I don't know. She's upset CJ."

"I know. I shouldn't have gone there."

"You going to say something?"

"After Gaza. Maybe she'll realise it herself."

"Alright. You weren't wrong, you know."

"Yeah. See you Freakboy."

Sam,

That talk we had last week? Sorry for being so odd. I've kind of got it together now.

Am in Gaza. Its amazing here. Its the most paradoxical place I've ever been. How they can be so proud and so hurt at the same time continues to astound me.

I know I'm just here so that Josh can shut me up. I know he wont read one of the research emails I've sent him, but I'm going to keep sending them. I don't care if he knows I'm pathetic or not. I'm going to do the job he told me I was here to do. I don't know what I'll do when I get back.

Just thought I'd let you know I'm alright.

Also- have met a gorgeous Irish photo journalist.

Love Donna

Sam smiled, hitting the forward button, and hoping that CJ didn't feel too bad for opening an eight year old can of worms.

**A/N: as always, I love reviews. They make me want to update. Thanks for reading. **

**Toodles x **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I posted it without the end! Sorry, dont know how it happened! I cant believe I didnt notice, no wonder no one was reviewing. I just thought this chapter must be crap! Sorry! **

**Toodles Jess x**

Sam dialed Josh's phone again, but the operator shut him off. He dialled again, only to get the stagnant reply. Frustrated, and fearful of what was going on in Washington, Sam dialled Toby, and was relieved when someone answered. Even if such a person wasn't Toby.

"Hello. Can you hold for a moment?" CJ asked, picking up Toby's phone from where he'd dropped it in the bullpen on Donna's desk and left to scout out people who could give him more information in his office. Sam could hear CJ calling from him in the background, and he knew the frantic voices down the line all too well.

"Donnatella Moss! That's right, Donna Moss, she was with the codel, Blonde hair! Yes American! Well can you give me someone who CAN understand what the hell I'm saying you filthy- Or you could hang up on me you-"Sam heard Josh Lyman swear loudly, over CJ's search for the Communications Director. He almost hung up, worried that they had more important things to do than inform him of what was happening, but he was worried, and wanted to know about Donna and the rest of the people from his past.

"Sorry, I cant get through to Toby, he's on the other line. Who is this can I-"she paused, and Sam heard a door slam, as Josh rushed into his office, to pick up his ringing phone. "-Sorry, things are kind of loud here, who is this?"

"CJ it's Sam, do we know how Donna is?"he asked, watching in horror as different names and images flashed on screen and regretting the fact that he was so far away.

"Sam? Oh I don't know Sam, Josh is trying, but-"

"I know, I heard. Don't let him do-"

"Yeah, I'm on it."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Not at the moment. Andy called, she's alright, Fitz is..."CJ was trying to stay composed, and so she broke off and didn't go any further. "Andy's fine, and she doesn't know...Donna was in the car that blew up... we cant find her."

Sam swallowed deeply, and nodded, his eyes glued to the screen.

"Ok, well if you need me there just say the word and I'm on the plane."he said, sincerely.

CJ made a small, grateful noise in her throat.

"Yeah, thanks Sam. I have to-"

"Of course, you go, just stay in touch."

The phone shut off, and CJ was running down the hall towards her office to make another statement. Toby's phone lay mute on the desk again, and all Sam could do was pace up and down the length of his own office, back in California.

Sam,

I'm in Germany. They say everything's ok, but she looks pretty bad. I mean she looks good, but she's in a bad way. No, hell, she looks bad. Her leg's all...I don't want to repeat what it was the doctor said, but it's not good, and she's all bruised.

I'm talking about Donna by the way. I think you already got that though.

I don't know Sam. I've been sitting with her for hours now and I wouldn't have left only there's a chizzled looking over sized leprechaun here and he's driving me mad so I came out to the hall and emailed you. Sorry I haven't been in touch earlier, I suppose you spoke to Toby or CJ.

I can hardly remember what went on the other day. I remember seeing the news and I remember yelling about wanting to kill a lot of people right before Leo told me to come here, but I don't remember much else. I cant remember the flight, but I can remember being really angry, and I remember walking in and seeing her looking like that.

That's it. That's all.

I've left her with shine-my-lens boy. I don't know if that was such a good idea, but she seemed to be happy he was there. I'm going to go back in now.

She's going to be ok.

I'll talk to you later.

Josh

Toby dialled Sam's number, and was surprised when he answered with almost no ring.

"About time, what's going on?"Sam asked, quickly, releaved that he wasn't going to have to call and risk feeling guilty about annoying them all again. Toby's eyes widened.

"Are you just sitting there waiting for me to call? What do they have you doing at that firm?"he asked, smirking. Sam wasn't humoured.

"Seriously Toby, how's Donna, how's Andy, how's everyone about Fitzwallace and has anyone spoke to Josh because he sounds pretty beat up in his email."Sam said, quickly, shutting his laptop in front of him and setting his feet on the ground. Toby gave a small smile.

"Andy's fine. She used her narrowly escaping death to remind me to visit my children, everyone's still in shock about Fitzwallace and the others, but I have been trying not to think about it much, and Donna's getting better, she's awake, she's out of it, but Josh is there so I'm not worried. I am fairly glad the British man's already in a hospital." Toby replied, and he looked up when CJ appeared in the door with a grave look on her face.

"Good, I've been worried. Less about the guy, more about Do-"

"Sam hold on a moment- CJ?" he stood up from behind his desk, the phone still to his ear. CJ was holding the phone in her hand.

"Donna's going into surgery."she said, gently. "It was a pulmonary embolism."she added, worried, and sitting herself gingerly on Toby's couch. Toby lifted the phone to his ear, and listened for Sam.

"You hear that?"he said, quietly.

"Yeah."

"I'd better go, I'll give Josh a call-"

"Let me?"

"Sure." Toby hung up the phone, and gave CJ a bracing smile, running his hand over his head nervously.

"She'll be alright."he said, as he went to leave the room. CJ looked up at him, her eyes piercing his own.

"He will be too." he added, and CJ nodded, and followed him out of his office.

"Sam we just got a call from Josh."

"Just got a call, as in you just got a call, or,"

"I swear to god Sam we went to Leo then called you."

"Ok, sorry. What's going on?"

"There were some complications in surgery. She's stable now, but there's a chance she may have sustained…"

"What Toby?"

"Brain damage."

Sam let out a low breath.

"Ok. And Josh is?"

"I don't know Sam. He's…he's not good. He went in before she went under, spoke to her…"

" Right. Right. Toby should I...should I be there?"

" Where?"

" Washington. Are you doing alright, is everything...functioning?"

" You have a job where you can drop it and rush back to the white house."

" No. Of course not. I just...I feel so helpless all the way over here. At least you know whats going on, at least your helping the president broker the peace deal. Im...helping the guy whose getting sued because he built his mansion too tall."

" We're all feeling pretty helpless at the moment. Its not a living in California thing."

"How's Donna?"

" And hello to you too."

" How is she Sam."

"What makes you think I'd know-"

" Sam-"

" She's just come out of surgery. They dont know much yet. There may be brain damage..."

" No..."

" They dont know yet. Im trying not to...Im being optimistic."

" Oh Sam."

" I know."

" How is he?"

" Josh?"

" Yeah."

" Not good. I dont know. Toby spoke to him."

Ainsley glanced at the tv, the explosion being played for the trillionth time in 24 hours.

"I can imagine."

"I feel like I should be-"

" I know the feeling."

Sam,

She's awake, and she's ok. Well, she recognises me. She going to be fine, I think.

Mr Headshot, however, may find himself a tad battered when he wakes up from where he is right now, perched on the edge of her bed. I cant talk on a cell phone here, and yet THAT the nurse allows.

I am thinking of ways to make loud noises.

Just letting you know she's ok.

Josh

"Hey."

"Toby?"

" I sound like Toby now?"

" Josh?"

"Thankyou!"

" What are you...you're back in Washington?"

" I am. I was thrown out."

" By the nurse, or the country, or-"

" By Donna."

" Really?"

" I was...she knew they needed me here, she didnt want me loitering. I dont think she gets how worried I am."

" You're pretty good at hiding these things."

" I am?"

" Well now from me. And not from Leo, or CJ, or Toby, or...well...not from anyone but her, really."

" Her IRA boyfriends looking at me all knowingly, and I just wanted to grab his accent and whack him over the head."

"So she threw you out?"

" Yeah, probobly for the best. I wouldnt have left otherwise."

" And you're alright?"

" Yeah Sam, Im fine. Im about to fly out to camp David."

" Ok."

"I am Sam."

"I believe you. Just...when she gets back Josh, dont be..."

"Dont be what?"

"You?"

"Well thanks Sam, I'll just assume my secret identity and all will be-"

"You know what I mean. Dont push her away. Notice the fact that no one made a fuss when you flew halfway around the world to sit at her bedside."

"-because Leo told them not to!"

"And that doesnt give you a moments pause?"

There was a silence, in which Josh pondered the meaning of Sam's words, before shaking his head, slowly.

"You know Sam, if it weren't for the fact that there was already a guy when I got there, I dont know what I would hav-"

"I know."

"I wouldnt be home at the moment, if you know what Im saying."

"I do know what your saying. And Im telling you Josh, its not a bad thing."

"I cant tell her."

"Why not?"

"Because I failed the ultimate test Sam! She was dying, and I was still too chicken to show her how I felt!"

"You flew to her bedside from Washington in the middle of the crusades Josh."

"Your point?"

"My point is that thats a far cry from failing the test. It doesnt take words."

"Ive gotta go."

"Yeah, ok. Glad your back."


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I dont own the west wing.**

**Timeline: This installment picks up at the start of season 6, just as Leo has a heart attack, and continues right up until Faith Based Initiative.** **Please let me know what you think. Help me be a better writer. Thanks for reading!**

* * *

"Josh. Call me."

* * *

"CJ, I dont care how busy any of you are, I need to know what's going on, I'm going insane. More insane...CJ just give me a call."

* * *

"Hey it's me...just, checking youre alright I guess. Did really think you'd answer. I only know whats going on through the news. I hope you're ok. Hope he's ok."

"Its Sam Seaborn, by the way."

* * *

"Toby! Toby pick up! Toby I know you busy, just pick up the damn-"

"Violent enough there?"

"I dont know whats going on, no one will answer their godamn-"

"He's still in surgery Sam, we have nothing to tell you anyway."

"Well thats all I needed to know, I just, Im sitting here, worrying about- I still care about Leo Toby, just because Im not a national priority doesnt mean I dont warrant a phone call-"

"Im sorry! We've had a lot to do! Im trying to stop the government from being mugged while we have no one at the top of any kind of ladder, the president is beside himself, Josh is gone nuts because there's no one here to stop him being nuts while Leo, of all people, might be dying, and we've just brokered peace in the middle east! We would have given you a call when things settled down!"

Josh's head stuck in the doorway.

"That Sam?" he asked, his eyebrows flying up. Toby nodded.

"Tell him Im sorry, I just got his messages, I've been all over the place, and there's no one taking my calls, I-"

"Josh says sorry."

Words of anger were about to pass Sam's lips when he deflated.

"Yeah, ok. How is he? Do we know anything at all?" Toby gave Josh a grim smile, and a nod, telling him that Sam was fine, and letting him continue to rush down the hall.

"No, nothing really. He wasn't found for a fair while though Sam. They...it got him pretty bad, I think."

"Do they know what brought it on?"

"I think working in politics being a smoking alcoholic addicted to Vallium and spending half his life in a state of stress was what brought it on Sam." he said, gruffly.

Sam sat slowly on the couch, having not slept for a good while, and felt his heart slow back to a regular rhythm, a little.

"Ok, keep me in the loop Toby."

"I will. Sorry for not."

"And watch Josh until she gets back?"

"Yeah, I know."

* * *

"Josh Lyman's office."

"Hi, is- wait."

"Hello?"

"Donna!"

"Sam?"

"You're home!?"

"I'm...at work?"

"You know what I mean...that's...well thats fantastic."

"Im pretty happy about it."

"How'd you feel?"

"Alright. Better. I mean I can't stop thinking about it, but apart from that I'm alright."

"You know you can call if you need to talk."

"Yeah, I know, thanks."

"Speaking of talking."

"Don't even bring it up Sam, I don't know what's going on, and while Leo's in hospital-"

"How is Leo?"

"They couldn't get him off the machine, but he's getting better, slowly. They'll try again in a couple of hours. You want Josh?"

"I do. He's in?"

"For a moment. Josh! Pick up the phone!"

"Who is it?"

"Sam!"

* * *

"Listen Sam, sorry about the missed calls, it was just...it was crazy here, you'll have no idea the things that are happening, and we cant function without Leo here to...Toby's going on what he would call a matyrdome and I would call a power trip, and we're making mistakes all over the place, I cant stop thinking about Leo lying there in a hospital bed, and every time I walk past a tv set I see Donna blowing up again, whether they're showing footage or not."

"It's fine Josh. Two years on and I've made my peace with the ignorance."

"I really meant to call."

"I got through eventually."

"You did. Everything's fine."

"No it's not."

"No, it's not. But hopefully he'll be... I dont know. I'm trying to be optimistic. Donna came through alright. So either I'm out of luck or Im having a good week."

"A good week?"

"In comparrisson to what it could have resulted in."

"Right."

"Just keep me in the loop, alright?"

* * *

"You know when a person says in the loop, it doesn't mean that they want a pithy text message telling them that one of their closest friends isn't DEAD and it does not mean that they want to learn that CJ has been made Chief of Staff off the CNN briefing coverage!"

"Then again, it came right from the mouth of the President of the-"

"Josh!"

"Right. Sorry."

"I'll forgive you. But only because you sound as though you haven't slept in maybe a hundred years."

"I should send her a text message saying congratulations."

"Who's sentimental now?"

"I was being sarcastic."

"Right. You weren't mocking me."

"You ok with all this?"

"With what?"

"You know with what Josh. With CJ getting the job."

"Of course I am. I just...it's been an odd couple of weeks is all."

"Please just talk to Donna."

"I've tried Sam. She's not...shes being distant."

"Try harder."

"Yeah, ok. Had a good meeting today, though."

"With?"

"You know Matt Santos?"

"Sure. Big fan. Hes a good guy."

"He's quitting."

"Youre kidding?"

"No, I went to talk him out of it."

"And?"

"And he's still quitting."

"Well I'm less of a fan now."

"He shouldn't be, he's still got fight in him. He's got a young family though, spose you can't blame him."

"Josh? Josh Lyman?"

"Oh come on, I'm not that made of stone."

"You do however, have certain maniacal traits."

"I should go."

"To talk to Donna?"

"No, to try and finish thi-"

"Josh! To talk to Donna?"

"Yeah Sam. To talk to Donna."

"Call me later."

"Sure."

* * *

"So three people want to be my agent."

"On the looks alone?"

"I'm serious Sam. Three calls. Why would anyone want to make a movie about me? Why would anyone want to make a story about a cowardly assistant who goes to Gaza because her boss wanted to stop her moving up the food chain, and then watches three of the most powerful people in the world die? Why would you want that immortalised on the silver screen? Who would pay ten dollars to see that?"

"I don't know Donna, they could always air the version in which the boss actually ends up killing the photo journalist. Because _that_, I would pay money to see."

"Sam I'm being serious-"

"Donna, I am so incredibly worried about you, you have to let me make a joke."

"Why would you be worried about me?"

"Because there's something in your voice that lets me know that your not as ok as you want me to believe, and I don't want Christmas coming around and you can't listen to carollers, if you know what I-"

"Of course I know what you mean Sam; I just don't see the relevance. I am so far from PTSD that I-"

"Have you spoken to anyone?"

"I'm fine Sam."

"Have you?"

"Yes."

"Josh?"

Donna laughed, bitterly.

"Oh yeah, we've had some great conversations. I love the one where he hung up on a phone call with the Tonight Show because he thought it was Colin trying to get in my pants. And the conversation where we fought over the fact that he was rifling through my stuff-"

"A real conversation about...about things."

"Things?"

"Gaza things...Germany things...love...things?"

"As in Colin?"

"You were in love with Colin?"

"Sam don't start."

"No! Seriously. I didn't know you'd fallen so head over heels for this guy."

"Sam, I-"

"Did he fly half way around the world to-"

"He flew a fair way!"

"Did he sit by your beside for hours on end, did he come throw snowballs at you window, and-"

"Sam please don't-"

Sam took a deep breath, thinking of his conversation with Josh. How two people could be so stupid, when everything around them was so serious...

"Sorry Donna. I didn't mean to...We're not meant to talk about this."

At this, even Donna had to laugh.

"Not meant to?" she asked, sliding a piece of hair behind her ear and waiting for Sam to finish so she could put him through to Josh. "What you need a note from the teacher?"

"Nope, just CJ."

"You need a note from CJ?"

"No. The note thing was a joke. We are, however, meant to consult with her first, and any misspeaks or slips of the tongue, even in jest, must be reported to her immediately."

Donna laughed.

"Oh, right." she said, clearly thinking it all a joke. "And when was this decided?"

"Bartlett for America." Sam replied, deadpan.

Donna's eyes widened.

"Sam for you on one!" she yelled to Josh, before she pressed hold, and hung up, her heart beating at an uneven rhythm.

* * *

"Josh Lyman you complete and utter idiot."

"And hello to you too Sam."

"I thought we established we were past the hello stage?"

"Well I changed my mind about you-"

"Josh-"

"Drop it Sam. Just for now. You know what's really getting to me? Matthew Santos?"

"He's definitely done? You can't talk him back?"

"He's screwing the party like a cheap hooker."

"That hooker reference was-"

"An unfortunate choice of simile-"

"I hope so. Josh you really should-"

"I know Sam, didn't we say drop it?"

"You mean didn't _you_ say drop it?"

"You didn't argue, which means you agreed. Santos, this healthcare bill he just passed, it's...the speed at which he got it done...Sam he's the real deal."

"The real what?"

"Never mind."

"Josh you're not thinking of...you're not thinking of leaving, are you?"

"No, not at all."

"The campaigns had been after you?"

"A little, I've turned them all down. A candidate has to make you excited, you know, has to make you want to cheer when they finish speaking and wake up at 4am to get them started the next day."

"They have to be like a certain Texan congressman..."

"It's insane, Sam. Forget it. I wasn't implying..."

"It could work."

"It couldn't. Forget it. Anyway, I'm not done yet. I'm here till the end."

"So Donna's getting an agent hey?"

"She's what?"

"Donna...agent...we can make jokes about booking her for comedy stints and...and you're not laughing...how much do you two talk?"

"We talk all the time."

"About...when was the last time you spoke?"

"The last time? Two minutes ago."

"And she said?"

"You heard!"

"_Sam for you on one_? That's the most memorable conversation?"

"You asked for the _last _conversation."

"Josh!"

"Yeah, I know. Why's she getting an agent?"

"Forget I said anything. She wouldn't want me telling you if she hasn't herself, but apparently she's been turning down movie rights and interviews all over the place."

"So the phone call I hung up on?"

"Was a producer with a big fat cheque offering to write her memoirs, yeah."

"Why hasn't she talked to me about this?" he asked, his voice sounding suddenly hollow.

It was his fault, and he knew it. Not only had they not moved forward in their undefinable relationship after the incident in Gaza, they had surpassed returning to normal, and now filled their moments together with idle chatter about nothing. They teased each other mirthlessly, but the backbone to their banter had been broken. They were too cautious, too aware of the chance they had missed.

"Why haven't _you _talked to her about this Josh? She was the one who went through it all. You of all people should know what it is to want to talk about it."

"I didn't want to talk about it!"

"Exactly. And who made you?"

"Leo?"

"Who made Leo make you?"

"I'll talk to her Sam. I'm just...I looked like an idiot!"

"When?"

"I think she worked it out."

"Worked what out?"

"You know!"

"That was an impeccably high pitched tone there Josh."

"You know, that I...that I think that perhaps there may be something between the two of us, me and...and her, that isn't entirely of the platonic nature."

"That you're in love with you're assistant?"

"Sam please don't-"

"You know what Josh, I don't think she worked it out. Because if she had, you wouldn't be talking to me right now. Know what you'd be doing?"

"It's going to be something crude and inappropriate, isn't. I wont be able to work, after you plant whatever image you're conjuring in my-"

"Right there, on your desk."

"And we're done with health care for the day. The tax payers of America thank you Sam."

"I do what I can. Talk to her."

"Yeah, ok."

* * *

"But the President's ok?"

Sam was trying to refrain from sounding panicked. Seemed there were a lot of those phone calls of late. He was getting tired of them.

"They say he's fine, but we don't really know what to believe. He couldn't move yesterday and he's been brought out of a meeting this morning. Brought out to sleep."

"Oh he would have loved that. Josh must be frantic."

"He's on the wrong side of the world, of course he's frantic."

"Again."

"Now, today is really not the day Sam."

"I'm sorry. But I don't think the President would mind so much, I think he'd be telling you to stop messing around and just god damn-"

"Not because of the President Sam, because…"

"Donna?"

There was silence on the other end of the phone and he could just see, in the edges of his memory, the look Donna had on her face. Biting the inside of her bottom lip, looking a little lost.

"Donna, what is it?"

"The President made Charlie hand out résumé's the other day. He forced him to walk around the building and look for a job. The President loves Charlie, Sam.

"He does-"

"Didn't want him to be carrying his coat for the rest of his life."

"I don't see-"

"He doesn't love Charlie because he answers his phone or carries his coat, or does his Christmas shopping for him. He just loves him."

"Right. Donna, it's a different sort of love. I doubt there's a palpable sexual tension between Charlie and the-"

"Josh has cancelled three lunches with me in the last two days. One of them was right here, in the office."

"He's been busy."

"Not so busy he doesn't eat. Not so busy he can't have a ten minute conversation that he's been avoiding for five years."

"Oh God, Donna, I think if he knew you wanted to have that conversation he's have lunch with you in an instant. If he knew you wanted to have that conversation he'd let China implode and unemployment be damned."

"Not that conversation. The conversation where I thank him for all that he's done for me and I quit. And somewhere in there he acts like a jerk, so that I don't cry."

Now it was Sam's turn to be silent.

"Sam?"

"Donna you're kidding right? You can't run away from it."

"I'm not. I should have done this years ago Sam. You know it. I shouldn't be an assistant anymore. Everyone can see that I only stick around because I'm in love with him. They can see that I'm just…"

The sigh rattled down the line, all the way to California.

"Donna, I think you should have the other conversation first."

"I'm going to be lucky to even have one of the conversations. I think I'll take the second."

"To be mean?"

"Sam-"

"No, seriously, you think we look at you two and see you falling in love with him? God, Donna, that's only half of what we see."

"I see no evidence for that."

"He sabotages your dates! He worries about you constantly! He buys you flowers in April and turns up drunk at your apartment and flew across to Germany and was almost more devastated by the fact that you'd been wooed by an Irish photojournalist than he was about the actual-"

"Oh I don't deny that we're close Sam, I'm just saying he's not in love with me. And after today, well, I'm not in love with him either."

Not for a minute did Sam Seaborn think this was the truth.

* * *

"The Office of the Deputy Chief of Staff. Can I help you?"

The drawl that greeted Sam's ears was strikingly foreign. Definitely not Donna.

"Um, sorry…sorry who is this?"

"I'm Joshua Lyman's assistant, can I help you?"

"This is…this is Sam Seaborn. Can you put me through to Josh?"

"And what is this in reference to?"

"In reference to?"

"What is it that you are calling about?"

It dawned on him that Donna hadn't been bluffing. Suddenly, Sam was a little more than worried about Josh.

"Actually, could you put me through to Toby Zeigler instead?"

"I don't even know who you are."

"Ask Josh. Josh will have no problem with speak to me."

"I'm afraid I can't do that Mr Seaborn."

"Sorry?"

"I can't do that. I can take a message for Mr Lyman, but at the moment he's working on the energy report."

"He's…you can't…interrupt him?"

"This isn't a high school Sir, this is the Office of the Deputy Chief to Staff of the President of the United States."

"You know what. Never mind."

**Feedback would make me giddy with happiness! **

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**Jess x**


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